Jen on the Edge

Patience did this meme and I thought it was fun. The object is to post ten specific photos. I’ve added my own twist to it.

Kitchen sink

The dream:

But give me time. I will have this kitchen…

The reality:

Yep, there’s pretty much always a stack of stuff drying on the right side.

Inside our fridge

The dream:

Yeah, only it would be filled with all sorts of yummy foods. None of which were purchased or cooked by me.

The reality:

Rather full and every single thing in there was purchased and/or cooked by me.

My toilet

Shamelessly stolen from Mrs. G. But! The point is, I want Matt to clean my bathroom for me. That would be the fantasy. I’ll share George and Brad with the rest of y’all. Just don’t hurt the goods when you’re fighting.

The reality:

This is our half bathroom on the main floor. And, it’s even clean, as I went in there today, determined to eradicate the filth that had accumulated.

My favorite pair of shoes

The dream and the reality:

Yes, Crocs! But they’re sooooooo cute AND comfortable. They’re on my feet at this very moment.

My closet

The dream:

The reality:

Fucking 1970s house built by a former nun who clearly didn’t have to share the closet with a man.

Laundry pile

The dream:

Ahhh… empty.

The reality:

Empty. I just did laundry today. (No photo because I’m too lazy to get up — AGAIN — and take another photo. Just use your imagination. White plastic basket — empty.)

What my kids are doing now.

The dream:

Not necessarily the Amish part — can you imagine Elegant giving up hot pink and rhinestones? — but that part where the kids work toward the common good of the family and all that shit.

The reality:

They’re not helping out in any way, but I give them bonus points for not fighting and/or tattling at this moment.

Fantasy vacation

The dream:

The reality:

Yeah, go ahead and hate me.

My favorite room

No dream here, I love this room:

Well, except for the mess. I’m not so fond of that. But, this is hands-down my favorite place in the house. The furniture is comfortable, the rug thrills me, and the sunlight is always excellent, due to the windows on three of the walls.

Self portrait

Sigh…. Didn’t I just do this last week?

Whew! Finished, at last. I’m not tagging anyone, but feel free to take this and run with it.

I got tagged by Claire for a meme.

Here are the rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning. Done.
2. Each player answers the questions about her or himself. Done.
3. At the end of the post, tag 5-6 people and post their names, then go to their blogs and leave them a comment, letting them know they’ve been tagged and asking them to read your blog. Nope, not gonna do it. If you want to, consider yourself tagged.
4. Let the person who tagged you know when you’ve posted your answer. See above.

#1 — What was I doing ten years ago?
Living near Washington, DC and five months pregnant with Graceful. Pete and I had just gotten back from a spur-of-the-moment the-airline-was-having-a-major-sale trip to New Zealand.

#2 — What are five things on my “to do” list today?
1. Work. They pay me, and I like to get paid, so I need to earn that pay.
2. Figure out what we’re getting the soccer coach as his end-of-losing-season gift.
3. Figure out what to feed my family for dinner. M&Ms and macademia nuts won’t cut it.
4. Finish putting together our photo albums from our trip to England. I hate putting together photo albums almost as much as I hate scrapbooking. I’m thinking I’m going to put the girls’ photos in their albums in chronological order, add a few basic captions, and then let them have at it. 25 years from now, Elegant’s children are going to ask, “Mommy, why is your England photo album full of fairy stickers?”
5. Possibly tackle the disaster that is the children’s toy room. It would be easier to set fire to it and walk away.

#3 — Snacks I enjoy:
Popcorn. I eat it almost every day. We usually have three versions in the pantry: popcorn for the popper, popcorn for the microwave, and popcorn for lazy people (already popped). Chocolate used to be my favorite snack, but I have a big fat ass and need to lose weight decided that popcorn tastes better.

#4 — Things I would do if I were a billionaire:

• Quit my job, but not necessarily spend my newly free time volunteering at my children’s school. There’s a reason why I haven’t put my master’s degree in education to good use and it is that other people’s children make me almost as crazy as mine do.
• Hire a personal trainer, a cleaning person, and a yard boy who looks like Mr. Darcy.
• Otherwise, try to live normally so that people wouldn’t know I was filthy stinking rich. The yard boy might make that difficult.
• Upgrade my airline travel to first class. Yeah, living normally is going to be tough.
• Help out certain relatives who need it and bribe others to stay far away from me.
• Giving away much of the money, but anonymously. I don’t need accolades and people sucking up to me. Really, I don’t.

#5: Places I have lived:
Roanoke, Virginia; Seymour, Indiana; Anderson, South Carolina; Tarboro, North Carolina; Kingsport, Tennessee; back to Roanoke; Charlottesville, Virginia; northern Virginia; and Jenworld.

#6 — Bad Habits:
Wow, that’s a lot to ask for in a short meme, isn’t it? I’ll condense the list to the ones I can think of in the next ten seconds: nagging Pete and the girls, not being a good listener, and being quick to judge others.

#7: Jobs I have had :
Guide at Monticello (during college), babysitter (during high school and college), and fundraiser (since college).

#8 — Peeps I want to know more about (or at least peeps I think may be interested in responding):

Anyone who wants to do so is welcome to take it run from here. Those of you doing NaBloPoMo 365 may need this as filler.

Because all the other cool kids are doing it…

Where is your cell phone? In my pretty green purse.

Your significant other? Sleeping.

Your hair? Seriously scary bed head — I haven’t been awake very long — and I look like a brown haired Statue of Liberty. The spikes appear to be due to all the product Richard the Hair God put in my newly-shorn tresses yesterday.

Your mother? Roanoke, VA

Your father? Abingdon, VA

Your favorite thing? The right answer is my husband and daughters. Another possibility is My Precious.

Your dream last night? Tornadoes — not too common in the mountains of Virginia.

Your favorite drink? Mom Caffeine

Your dream/goal? Short term: getting control of stress in my job. Long-term: getting back to a healthy weight.

The room you’re in? Jenworld Blogging Headquarters.

Your ex? I’ve been with my husband since I was 18. Anything before that was teenage crush stuff.

Your fear? My husband or one of my children will be seriously ill or die.

Where do you want to be in 6 years? Hopefully NOT sending either my 13 y.o. or 15 y.o. to a convent with a military school component.

Where were you last night? Jenworld, enjoying a peaceful evening with my husband, my children, and a potent batch of daquiris.

What you’re not? Tactful.

Muffins? On my stomach? Yes, but I’m working on it.

One of your wish list items?

Where you grew up? Roanoke, VA

The last thing you did? Eat breakfast.

What are you wearing? Pajamas

Your TV? Almost never on.

Your pets? Imaginary, as we’ll never have any, much to the girls’ chagrin.

Your computer? Three Dells. Yes, we’re geeks. You gotta problem with that?

Your life? Fortunate.

Your mood? Calm and peaceful.

Missing someone? The Boy.

Your car? First-string vehicle: Mazda 3. Emergency back-up vehicle: Mazda MPV that smells funky inside.

Something you’re not wearing? Make up, jewelry, shoes… The list of how I could improve my appearance is lengthy.

Favorite store? The Mother Ship.

Your summer? Hot and humid, but very relaxed.

Like someone? My bloggy friends.

Your favorite color? Cobalt blue.

When is the last time you laughed? Last night with my husband.

Last time you cried? It’s been a while — I don’t cry easily or often — but I’m guessing it was some time during the winter when I was stressed about this, that, and the other.

Who will repost this? I have given this no thought whatsoever.

Josie has tagged me for the Six Words meme, which is based on an article done by Smith Magazine.

The rules:

1. I have to write a memoir — in ONLY SIX WORDS.

Gah! I feel constrained already.

2. I have to post this on my blog and may include a visual illustration, if I like.

Argh! Does this mean only one visual or can I have more?

3. Link to the person who tagged me and, if possible to the original post, so that we can track this across the blogosphere.

Whew, this I can do.

4. Tag at least five more people.

If you want to be tagged, consider yourself thusly so.

5. Let the tagees know that they were tagged.

See #4.

And, here we go…

London, baby! In only one week!

Because all the cool kids are doing it…

Me:

Not me:

Me:

Not me:

Me:

Not me:

Me:

Totally me (and I should be ashamed of this but I am not):

Definitely not me:

Me:

Never me:

Me:

So not me:

Me me me:

Oh hell no, never (and don’t anyone ever make this mistake):

Me, 1998:

NotJustBarbra has posted her version of the movie meme and her quotations are tricky.  Go see how much (or little) you know.

Did you like the movie meme I put up and want more?  Go to Suzanne’s blog and try hers.  I couldn’t guess a single one.

The movie meme.

The rules:

• Pick 10 of your favorite movies.
• Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
• Post them here for everyone to guess.
• Strike it out when someone guesses correctly, and put who guessed it and the movie.
• NO googling or cheating by doing an online search. Cheaters never prosper.
• Share the fun and only guess one movie.

Just a head’s up, most of these are at least a decade old, some are from the 80s, and one is older than me (pre-1969). Not all are favorites, but in those cases the quotations are spoken regularly here in Jenworld. You’ve been warned.

1. Life goes by pretty fast. If you don’t stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it. “Ferris Bueller’s Day Off” — Guider

2. As you wish. “The Princess Bride” — The Guider, Caroline, Daysgoby, and Suzanne.

3. An unhappy alternative lies before you. Your mother will never see you again if you do *not* marry Mr Collins, and *I* will never see you again if you *do*. “Pride and Prejudice” (both versions) — Suzanne

4. We can stay up late, swapping manly stories, and in the morning, I’m making waffles! “Shrek” — SarahO, Cheri, Suzanne

(That last one is quoted regularly here in Jenworld. Elegant in particular loves it.)

5. I love robbing the English, they’re so polite. “A Fish Called Wanda” — Alison (good job on that one)

6. It looks, after all, as if you will see Berlin before I do.   “The Great Escape” — Guider  (Kudos!  That one was tough.)

7. C’mon, it’s Czechoslovakia. We zip in, we pick ‘em up, we zip right out again. We’re not going to Moscow. It’s Czechoslovakia. It’s like we’re going into *Wisconsin*. “Stripes” — Sally
(Pete, that one’s for you. Just because.)

8. I don’t want to talk to you no more, you empty headed animal food trough wiper. I fart in your general direction. Your mother was a hamster and your father smelt of elderberries. “Monty Python and the Holy Grail” — Elizabeth

9. No matter how long it takes, no matter how far, I will find you. “Last of the Mohicans” — Suzanne (Damn girl, that one was tough.)

(When movie #9 came out and we saw the trailer, we mocked this line mercilessly for months.)

10. I’m disinclined to acquiesce to your request. [pause] Means “no”. “Pirates of the Carribean” — Guider
(Yes, we say that one around here too on a regular-ish basis.)

Have fun!

I haven’t been that into memes lately. Been there, done that. But this one at Sarah O.’s blog really intrigued me. It’s the Seven Famous People I’ve Met meme:

1. Kurt Vonnegut — Don’t ask me why, but he was in the Roanoke, Virginia airport one day in the mid-1980s. Some friends and I were there seeing off some exchange students and spotted the literary great and spoke with him briefly.
2. John Grisham — He lives around here and buys food at some of the same places I do. I haven’t actually met him; however, I have seen him with my very own eyes and I have spoken with his wife a couple of times and she is an absolutely lovely, gorgeous, gracious woman.
3. Jan Karon — Another famous author who lives in my town. I heard her speak several years ago and she was so very entertaining. At the reception afterward, she made a point to shake hands with each person and look us in the eye while asking questions about us.
4. Sissy Spacek — This lovely actress lives here in my town. Technically, I haven’t officially met her, but I have bumped into her a couple of times. The first was about 15-16 years ago, when she was shopping at the same grocery store. At the time, she had a small child on her hip. More recently, I saw her downtown with her family, including her daughter Schuyler Fisk (another actress).
5. Brooke Shields — When I was in junior high, my language class went to Washington, DC for a long weekend. To us, this was the epitome of sophistication and culture. I think that tells you what a provincial group of kids we were. While in the Big City, we visited the Kennedy Center, where they were taping one of Bob Hope’s all-star shows. Brooke Shields came out of the building and we swarmed her like a pack of dogs on a three-legged cat. Poor girl never stood a chance. Not long after, Christie Brinkley came out, saw the crowd, and escaped through another door.
6. Fawn Hall — A long time ago, in a galaxy far away, I was a guide at Monticello. During the first summer I worked there, Fawn Hall of Iran Contra fame came through on a tour. We guides debated whether or not we should offer her a special tour of the house, but decided against it, as her so-called fame was based on some rather non-Jeffersonian principals. Also that summer, Robin Williams visited, but I didn’t get to meet him. Nor did I get to meet the Crown Prince (now king) of Jordan.
7. Denny Hamlin — For those of you not familiar with NASCAR, Denny is apparently a huge star and one of the best drivers out there. I, however, am not in the know about these things, but I did meet him at OUR grandfather’s funeral last fall. Yes, you read that correctly. I don’t feel like repeating the whole story, so the relevant links are here and here.

You wouldn’t believe how many famous people live here in my town. For example, Pete has run into Howie Long, who is by all accounts just a ginormous man in real life. (I know, I know, he’d have to be if he played professional football.) I know loads of people who either know or are actually related to the various members of Dave Matthews Band, including two of my neighbors. Julian Bond (the civil rights activist), Rita Dove, and Rita Mae Brown are all local. Jessica Lange and Sam Shepard used to live here, but moved years ago. The Rock has recently bought a house here.

Pete told me to add Billy Wagner, who is apparently a Major League Baseball player, but I wouldn’t know if him I tripped over him. Well hell, if we’re going to add athletes, let’s not forget the famous ones who attended the not-too-shabby university down the road: Tiki Barber and Ronde Barber (who grew up in the same part of Virginia as me), Herman Moore (football), John Harkes (soccer; we were in some history classes together), James Farrior (football) … the list goes on. And while we’re on the subject of the university, other alumni include Katie Couric, Tina Fey, various Kennedys, and more. The village idiot who lives at 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue, Washington DC, has a daughter getting married this summer and the bridegroom is a student at the graduate business school, but he doesn’t really count as someone famous, so I’m not putting his name in boldface. Also, I can’t remember his name. And, he’s most likely of the same political persuasion as his mentally deficient future FIL, so now he really doesn’t count in my book.

Then there are the former presidents: Jefferson, Madison, and Monroe. Oh, and Lafayette once visited and stayed a number of nights; not that he was ever president but I think he counts as famous. I guess that’s going back a bit far.

Yeah, this list could go on and on for while. It’s a surprisingly high number, given that there are only 40,000 residents in town and another 85,000 in the surrounding county.

If anyone feels like doing this meme, consider yourself tagged.

MizMell has tagged me for the Eight Weird Things Meme.

The rules:

1. Link to the person who tagged you, and post the rules on your blog.
   
2. Share eight random and/or weird facts about yourself.
   
3. Tag eight random people at the end of your post, and include links to their blogs.
   
4. Let each person know that they’ve been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
   

And because I seem to have food on the brain all the time now, my weird things will be culinary:

1. I like ketchup on Ruffles potato chips. Also, butter on saltine crackers. But I rarely eat either. Like, maybe only once every few years.
2. I’ve been known to find frozen chocolate cookie dough in the freezer and eat it as is. In fact, even though chocolate chip cookies are my favorite cookies, I prefer the raw dough over the finished product.
3. I do not like and will not eat those strings on bananas. Blech. And Graceful is the same way.
4. I do not mess with raw poultry. Seriously. That’s just too much like the real animal for me. I once — and only once — cooked a turkey for my extended family for Thanksgiving. My grandmother walked me through the steps of preparing the bird. When she reached the part about, “Now put your hand inside the cavity…” I really and truly thought I was going to pass out. Never again.
5. Every now and then — about once a decade — pork rinds sound like a good idea.
6. When I was pregnant with Graceful, I was susceptible to suggestion. You could mention almost any food to me and I’d instantly crave it. Such as, beans and franks. I lived with that craving for nearly a week before I caved. One bite, and I was done for life.
7. When roasting marshmallows, I love them utterly charred. Yet I wouldn’t consider eating anything else burned to a crisp.
8. I’m weird about pastas. I think a meaty spaghetti sauce is divine on spaghetti but disgusting on elbow macaroni. I like penne but avoid ziti. Linguine is fine, but not fettuccine. But I don’t avoid all of the larger pastas; I like lasagna, manicotti, and ravioli. No, I can’t explain this.

I’m not going to tag anyone specific. If you want to participate, please feel free to do so and let me know in the comments that you did.

Bon appetit!