Jen on the Edge

Have I told y’all about the Trip Fairy?

[Listen to me, people. I am 72 hours from leaving for Merrie Olde England and I sound like Britney Spears. I might as well tattoo "American from the South" on my forehead.]

Anyhoo, the Trip Fairy. I am her, she is me, and the girls know it. But it doesn’t matter because the girls LURVE the Trip Fairy and I get serious amounts of R-E-S-P-E-C-T from them when the Trip Fairy makes an appearance.

Here’s how it works:

The Trip Fairy buys all sorts of new books, little toys, and junk food for a trip. She loads up a backpack for each child in Jenworld. If it’s a flying trip, the girls are not allowed to peek until we get on the plane and their seatbelts are on. If it’s a driving trip, they have to wait until we’ve at least backed the car out of the damn driveway.

The Trip Fairy is known to be generous; in other words, she spends far too much money in the quest for peace during the journey. But what a great peace it is! Seriously, hours of silence, as the girls read their new books, eat their junk food, and check out their new toys.

For the impending trip, the Trip Fairy has, frankly, outdone her winged self.

Check it out:

Books. The trick here is to find books that are long enough to occupy Graceful but not so heavy that they weigh us down. So far, the list includes Harry Potter #3 and Septimus Heap #3, as well as others than I can’t think of at this moment. Elegant’s books are somewhat shorter but still interesting enough that Graceful can read them too when she finishes her own pile.

[And yes Guider, I am aware that your country has many bookstores that we could visit. But we have to first get through the long flight TO England. After that, we actually do have a list of specific books we want to get while we're in the land of fish and chips.]

Mad Libs. That’s got to be at least two hours of children who, while not quiet, are at least laughing and entertaining their own damn selves. In addition to the Mad Libs, I also got each girl a special notebook for either doodling in or recording their memories. And I even found some fun pens to go with the notebooks.

Plastic toys — specifically Pocket Puppies. These will probably have some marvelous adventures on the plane, all over England, and then on the return trip. I normally don’t like to buy plastic crapola, but I make an exception if I’m going to be confined in a small space with my children for a number of hours.

Snacks and treats. Sure, they’ll feed us on the plane, but what’s a vacay without some fun foods? Plus, I don’t ever want to be in one of those travel situations you read about in the newspaper, involving passengers stuck on a plane on the runway for hours, with no food or drinks (or clean toilets, but I can’t control that). If I could wheel a ginormous cooler of food and drinks onto the plane, I would.

The Trip Fairy will also very thoughtfully remember to pack the girls’ iPods and they’ll be recharged and with new tunes. More emphasis on groups like Queen and less on craptacular stuff like High School Musical. [shudder]

And, it’s likely that the girls will take a few photos on the digital cameras that their grandparents gave them for Christmas. Knowing Elegant, her memory card will be full before we’ve even left the safety of the Eastern Seaboard.

Then there’s the on-flight entertainment provided by Virgin Atlantic: TV screens for every seat, with special channels just for the kidlets.

Now that I think about it, I’m wondering if there’s too much to do and the girls won’t sleep at all during the flight. Argh, I hope not, because the last thing I want to happen is for everyone to be wide awake for four or five hours and then only nap for an hour until the lights come on and breakfast is served.

Maybe the Trip Fairy should slip some Valium into the girls’ bags too.