Jen on the Edge

We’re leaving for Houston shortly and I won’t be posting for about a week.

I know, I know. Texas. In the summer. We must be mad.

We’re going to there to visit Pete’s mother and two of his siblings and their families. We’re looking forward to seeing everyone, but this definitely won’t be a week at a spa. Not that I’ve ever been, but I’ve heard those places are just HEAVEN. You don’t work. You don’t clean. You don’t struggle or toil in any way. You just sit on your ass and let paid attendants drop bonbons right into your mouth.

Or something like that.

On the other end of the spectrum, we’re staying at Pete’s mother’s house. It’s a very nice house, but it hasn’t been lived in, except for occasional weekend visitors, since she moved into assisted living last fall. Let me elaborate: The fridge is empty, so we’ll have to fill it. The house hasn’t been cleaned regularly, so we’ll be scrubbing toilets. The bed we’ll be sleeping in is in the front foyer, where it was dumped several months ago when my MIL moved from one facility to another and the bed wasn’t needed in the new place. So we’ll be coming in at about 10:30 p.m. and then hauling furniture up a flight up stairs just so that we can go to sleep.

No, there won’t be a chocolate waiting on my 400 thread count pillowcase. Or 400 thread count pillowcases. I hear you get those at spas.

Oh, and I won’t have internet access while we’re gone.

I could bring my laptop with me, but the house only has dial-up, not DSL or wireless. I know, I could go to an internet cafe or a Starbucks and log in, but I’m trying to treat this as a character-building experience. I’ll either come back dumber because I had no access to info for a week or I’ll come back smarter because I had no access to info for a week. No Yahoo News. No blogs. No Perez Hilton. No eBay. I can feel the DTs starting already.

[sob]

On the up side, I won’t have to read about Paris Hilton’s return to society. (Seriously, I am so fucking happy that some news outlets are now ignoring her very existence. Why can’t everyone pretend she doesn’t exist?)

[cheering up]

Lest I seem negative about the situation, let me explain that I was the driving force behind this trip. It took me months to convince Pete to do this. In fact, we had originally planned to go to Canada this summer but decided that we need to go to Houston as it’s been two years since our last family visit. And, since we’re stockpiling money in our travel budget for England next year, two major trips this summer are out.

But dudes. Houston. In the summer. Really, we have lost our minds. It’s not just hot, it’s humid. And the bugs. I won’t even talk about those. Elegant is allergic to mosquito bites, so I’m thinking of putting her in a hazmat suit for the duration of the visit. I wonder if they come in pink with sequins?

We are planning lots of fun things: Museums, including one of the best children’s museums in the country. A scouting mission to Ikea, which is close by, so we can window shop there before I come back here and make a two hour pilgrimage to the Mother Ship closest to us. We also plan to hang out at the pool with Pete’s siblings and their families. Oh, and we’ll probably eat dinner with everyone most evenings, including cooking for them at the house a couple of times, which should be fun. And the Mexican food down there is, well, authentic and delish.

So, the bags are just about packed. The trip fairy has put together new books and goodies for the girls during the flight, including M&Ms for all female residents of Jenworld. The iPod is cocked, locked, and ready to rock. I have some new magazines waiting for me. I think we’re pretty much ready.

Wish me luck. And, I’ll be back in about a week.

Okay people, we need to have a serious talk.

Newborns are helpless creatures. They can’t hold their heads up, control their bowels, or walk. And they certainly can’t raise hell about whatever names their parents choose to give them. That’s a real shame too, because some people decide to be, um, creative with their naming. Or, perhaps they’re on drugs. Either way, the results are rarely good.

Two examples from Yahoo News within the past 24 hours:

A couple in New Zealand wants to name their son “4real“. New Zealand is one of those countries where names have to be registered and, if a name is unusual, it has to be approved. “4real” has been rejected, on the grounds that a numeral doesn’t constitute a name. The couple has said they’ll instead name the baby “Real.” Thank goodness their last name is Wheaton, because if it were Payne or Small, that would really suck for the kid. As it is, little Real is probably going to be the target of some teasing later on.

In England, a boxing-mad couple has named their daughter Autumn Brown. Normal enough. Alas, the little baby has 25 middle names. Her full name: Autumn Sullivan Corbett Fitzsimmons Jeffries Hart Burns Johnson Willard Dempsey Tunney Schmeling Sharkey Carnera Baer Braddock Louis Charles Walcott Marciano Patterson Johansson Liston Clay Frazier Forman Brown. Yep, she’s named after 25 of the greatest boxers of all time. I suspect she’s going to be an adult and still having to consult a piece of paper for the full list of names. And can you imagine her wedding? “I, Robert John Smythe, take you Autumn Sullivan Corbett, um, Fitzsimmons? Jeffries? …. “

Listen people. Babies are not supposed to be expressions your creativity. They are humans — humans who will have to grow up and live a lifetime with whatever name they’re given. Think long term. In fact, as you are contemplating names for your child, envision two scenarios:

1. How will that name sound when it’s read aloud at your son’s graduation from Harvard?

2. How will that name sound when your daughter is sworn in as a Supreme Court justice or as President of the United States?

Believe me, we all have ideas of what makes for a good name. Pete and I certainly had our own set of personal rules:

1. The child’s first name could not be in the list of the 25 most popular names in the U.S. for the previous five years. I’m a Jennifer, which was the most popular name for girls from the late 1960s all the way into the 1980s. Two of my close friends in high school were also Jennifers and there were at least five others in our graduating class. Yeah, that got a bit confusing. Believe me, Pete and I scanned the name lists carefully. If a favorite was anywhere in the top 25, even if it was #25, it was rejected without further discussion.

2. Another one of our rules was that the name could not have a lot of nicknames. Going back to my own name, throughout my life I have been called Jen, Jenni, and Jennifer. I utterly loathe the name Jenni now and haven’t used it in almost 20 years. Alas, some people still insist on calling me that, including my mother-in-law, who has been specifically told at least three times that I really don’t like it and I haven’t signed a card, letter, or email with that name during that time. Yet it persists.

3. With Elegant, as the second child, her name could not have the same first letter as Graceful’s. Too alliterative. Too cutesy.

4. With both girls, the first name could not start with the letter B, as that’s the first letter of our last name. Beth Banks, Bonnie Bean, or Bob Barker would be too alliterative.

5. And, if possible, we wanted to use family names for the first and middle names. We’re traditional like that. Graceful’s middle name is Elizabeth, which has been used in both families and is also Pete’s sister Amy’s middle name. Elegant’s middle name is Meredith, which is my sister’s name. As it happens, Graceful is very much like Amy in personality, they have the same hair and eye colors, and even the same smile. And Elegant is so much like Meredith was at this age that it’s uncanny.

6. If we had had a son, Pete was most insistent that we would not use Peter Jonathan B– Jr.

So, yes, we were probably a bit picky. But at least I won’t be cringing in embarrassment at our children’s high school and college graduations. And, it’s highly unlikely that anyone will see their names and say, “Oh she was obviously born in 1998.”

It’s entirely possible that Real Wheaton will grow up and change his name to John. I’ve heard that David Bowie’s son Zowie goes by Joe. And it’s likely that Autumn Brown will never use her middle names and just be Autumn Brown.

I’m not saying people need to use traditional names. I am saying — and very strongly, I hope — that people just need to use some common sense. That’s all.

Have a nice day.

A few days ago, I asked how many blogs other people read. Your responses were helpful and let me know that I’m not a total nut for reading so many other strangers’ blogs.

And by the way, THANK YOU for your nice comments about my blog. You really made my day, no, week.

I went through my list of blogs and eliminated a few that either I wasn’t enjoying very much or weren’t making me think, but my core group is still more than two dozen. It’s a lot, but I really enjoying reading what other people have on their minds. Luckily, life isn’t too busy right now, so I can make the time to check daily and stay current. When school starts again, and work gets busier, it will be harder to stay on top of things.

It’s amazing to me how much my life has changed since I started reading blogs. Seriously, a year ago, they weren’t even on my radar. My friend Melissa — the other half of the Dynamic Duo of Shoe Shopping — got me hooked. So it’s all her fault. Bitch.

(BTW, only three days until Melissa’s c-section and “Jennifer Junior” is finally here. M gets huge props for not killing anyone in the past six weeks. You go girl!)

Once I started reading other people’s blogs, I naturally started thinking about what I’d write if I had a blog. But I wasn’t planning on blogging so it really didn’t matter.

And here we are.

I started blogging almost six months ago. Guess how many entries I’ve posted.

Almost 400.

Insane, I know.

Some entries have been good, some middling, and some just lame. I’ve posted long entries and quick bumper stickers and everything in between.

Clearly, I’ve had a lot to say. Then again, anyone who knows me knows that my mouth is always flapping and that I rarely take a breath. It’s who I am and I offer no apologies.

(And Graceful is clearly cut of the same cloth.)

During all this blogging — both reading and writing — I’ve become acquainted with new people. I now have new e-friends across the U.S. and in four other countries that I know of. Astounding. Somehow, while it seems normal for me to read someone else’s blog and decide to stick around for more, it blows my mind that anyone other than my mother and Crazy Aunt Laura would be interested in what I have to say. I mean, hell, Pete didn’t even start reading my blog until two weeks ago and I’m not sure if he’s checking regularly or not. Poor guy has to listen to me at home, so why would he inflict more torture upon himself? Is it part of the “for better or worse” in our wedding vows?

So in one year, I’ve gone from not knowing anything about blogs to reading two dozen of them daily, having one of my own, and planning a second one for the end of the summer. I’m almost afraid to think of what next year will bring.

It’s a slippery slope to blog. How much information do I impart? What’s acceptable and what’s not only crossing the line, but going all the way over in the next county?

Some bloggers, such as Lori, have their name, email, and address as part of their blogs. In Lori’s case, this makes total sense because she runs a business and publicity is a good thing. Other people, such as my sister-in-law and Happy Working Mom, generally don’t use names or tell where they live.

I’m in the middle. Obviously, I use my real and name and Pete’s, but not our last name.

I use nicknames for our girls, but that’s more for fun than anything, and the nicknames are very close to their real names. Anyone who knows our family could look at my blog and figure out it’s us.

For now, I talk openly about my girls. I talk about the good and the bad and I don’t hold back. Later, if I’m still doing this when they’re teenagers, the rules might have to change a bit. The girls might one day end up in therapy, but I don’t want it to be because someone teased them by saying, “Your mother blogs about you.”

I have talked about living in Virginia and in a college town, so it would be easy enough to figure out where we live if one were curious. I don’t talk about my job much, as my blog should never in any way reflect on the wonderful people I work for and with. My thoughts are my own and not representative of that organization.

I talk about what’s on my mind and the things I find funny. I talk about what’s bothering me and what I’m struggling with, but I also manage to find humor every day, sometimes in places where it’s not expected. Living with children helps. Having a strange sense of humor helps too. Not everyone gets my sense of humor but, hey, it’s MY damn blog. If you don’t like it, you don’t have to read it. But luckily, a few people do like it and read it and that makes me very happy.

I’m going to end this now. It’s time to get my day rolling. We were up very late last night working on the new pantry. All four of us were involved. It was fun, but we were up too late and then slept in this morning. I have errands to run and a job that needs my attention. Oh, and we’re going on vacation tomorrow, so I have to pack, as well as finish my pre-vacation blog entry.

See you later.

Yesterday, I wrote about how Graceful had created a cardboard shanty for herself. Later, both girls got in on the action.

They dragged the cardboard, as well as a good portion of the contents of the recycling bin, from the screened porch to the back porch.

It’s not exactly a Frank Gehry design, but here’s what they came up with:

The girls brought in a blanket and some books. There are stuffed animals and even dominoes for entertainment. And there they played happily for much of the afternoon.

Yesterday I was fussing at Elegant over a huge food mess she’d made and then had neither cleaned it up nor told an adult about it.

Graceful sat at the table observing.

Very quietly she said, “Motherhood. It’s a tough job.”

That’s how many blogs I’m currently looking at daily.

It’s not always that many. Some blogs come onto my radar and others go off. But 32 is the current number. 24 is about the average for the past couple of months.

Some blogs take just a moment to read; others take a little longer. And, if someone takes the time to comment on my blog, I like to do the same for them.

I clearly need to get a life.

But I’m curious. How many blogs do other people read? Is my number normal or the sign that I need to get a grip? Please leave a comment to let me know how many you look at. Thanks.